Secret Single Behavior

Two years old, but, what the heck? I was in sync with the Fab Four at the time...

SECRET SINGLE BEHAVIOR

Just over three weeks ago, I set out to transform my soon to be new abode in The Grove. The otherwise perfectly appointed condo townhouse had one glaring flaw: its carpeting. Its drab, spotted Berber carpeting that looked like something Horace might have thrown up on, and no one would have known the difference.

Dolphin Carpet and Tile came highly recommended. Its TV commercials looked promising, plus it also carried Roberta’s endorsement. I’d actually called the Doral store at least several weeks earlier and spoken with a highly knowledgeable woman, Evelyn, who turned out to be the manager’s assistant. She realized what I had in mind much faster than it took me to write down and make sense of – let alone, follow – the directions to the store.

And so it came to pass that I went up the Palmetto, got off at 36th Street going west, and turned left at 72nd Avenue. I ended up in some tile company’s parking lot. Trying to get back on 36th Street reminded me of Washington’s Beltway in between rush hours: at least the traffic inched along. Some kindly drivers finally took pity on me. I had no choice, though, but to cross to the side of the street where I knew I wouldn’t find what I was looking for. Carpeting.

It was pushing one p.m. Realizing I was hungry, I recognized the Latin American Grill at the opposite corner. So I drove past it, made the first available left turn, swung back onto 36th Street, and turned into its parking lot. As it was hot and steamy outside, I rushed in to partake of its brisk coolness.

The Latin American Grill is part Cuban, part from everywhere else in Central and South America. La bandera cubana, however, is prominently displayed on its menu. At its Miami Lakes location, I’d recently ingested a very acceptable pan con bistec, along with tostones y mojo. So I decided to give it another whirl.

When my sandwich arrived, I began to dissect it. I put the lettuce and tomatoes on the side, pushed los pedacitos de palomilla onto the plate, and stacked up el pan in the corner. Alternately drenching los tostones and la carne with the mojo, I began to enjoy my lunch.

And then I realized it: I didn’t care if anybody was looking at what I was doing, but I was doing it, nonetheless. Secret Single Behavior: “Things you would never want your boyfriend to see you do,” as Carrie said in “The Good Fight.”

Unlike Carrie and her saltines and grape jelly; Miranda and her Borghese gloves and infomercials; Charlotte and her studious examination of her pores; and Samantha and her intense battle within herself to not fall in love, I put mine out there.

And then I engaged in the most Secret Single Behavior of all: I got in my car, drove back across 36th Street, turned at the second left off 72nd Avenue, found Dolphin Carpet and Tile, and – within a half hour – selected a lovely, neutral, not too shaggy-not too thin, soft – yet durable – slightly pinkish hued carpet for my upstairs.

I must confess I cheated. I had called the store for directions. But I chose the carpeting all by myself: Evelyn can vouch for that.

The Dolphin Carpet and Tile ad just came on over the airwaves--I kid you not.