Absence of Climax

The ferocious witch, Rangda, waves her white handkerchief as she and the Barong--the friendly dog-lion, engage in their dance that, invariably, ends in the standoff otherwise known as...

Absence of...what?

ABSENCE OF CLIMAX

What is absence of climax?

a) When a man or a woman doesn’t achieve orgasm.
b) When there is no resolution to a conflict.
c) Both a) and b).

If you answered a), your relationship needs a jump-start (and you’re very horny).
If you answered b), your relationship is in trouble (or else you’re very familiar with Clifford Geertz and his work on Bali).
If you answered c), your relationship is over (or else you’re boring everyone to tears with your detailed knowledge of Geertz and his peculiar brand of “absence of climax”).

What happens when you miss experiencing an absence of climax?

a) You’re very self-sufficient.
b) Someone else has stepped in to lend you a helping hand.
c) You don’t get it.

If you answered a), you’re adept at using vibrators and/or your hand.
If you answered b), you got lucky.
If you answered c), you still don’t get it.

Try again. When you don’t experience an absence of climax, you…

You’re getting it.

Get it?

Unchain My Purse

It doesn't quite look like this, but, imagine, soft, supple blue jean colored leather, with clunky, chunky blue chain links attached to rubberized, leather-clad blue jean colored handles. Imagine...perfection. Or, is it?

UNCHAIN MY PURSE

--With apologies to Teddy Powell & Robert Sharp, Jr.

Unchain my purse, please oh please oh please
Unchain my purse, ‘cause you’re all tangled up in me
You’ve got me all trussed up
Ooh, you’ve got me all tied up so
Unchain my purse, oh please, please set me free

Unchain my purse, lovey let me go
Unchain my purse, ‘cause all you do is yank me so
Ev’ry time I try to turn around
Your links twist ‘n turn me up ‘n down so
Unchain my purse, oh please, please set me free

I’m under your spell an’ I’m doin’ your dance
But I know darn well, that you won’t budge your stance so
Unchain my purse, just go your merry way
Unchain my purse, you torture me night and day
Why make me do the loop di loop
Even when you know I have to poop
So unchain my purse, oh please just…droop.

I’m under your spell an I’m doin’ your dance
Woowow, but I know darn well, that you won’t budge your stance so
Unchain my purse, just go your merry way
Unchain my purse, you torture me night and day
Why make me do the loop di loop
Even when you know I have to poop
So unchain my purse, oh please just…droop.
(Please just…droop)
Oh won’t you please just…droop.
(Please just…droop)
Woah, please just…droop
(Please just…droop)
Woowow, just droop, lovey
(Please just…droop)
Oh won’t you please just…droop.

Thanks, also, to the incomparable Ray Charles.